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Domestic abuse or domestic violence is the term used to describe any abusive behaviour within an intimate relationship between two people.

Domestic Abuse is best described as the use of physical and/or emotional abuse or violence, including undermining of self confidence, sexual violence or the threat of violence, by a person who is or has been in a close relationship. Domestic abuse can go beyond actual physical violence. It can also involve emotional abuse, the destruction of a spouse’s or partner’s property, their isolation from friends, family or other potential sources of support, threats to others including children, control over access to money, personal items, food, transportation and the telephone, and stalking. 

It can also include violence perpetrated by a son, daughter or any other person who has a close or blood relationship with the victim/survivor. It can also include violence inflicted on, or witnessed by, children. The wide adverse effects of living with domestic abuse for children must be recognised as a child protection issue. The effects can be linked to poor educational achievement, social exclusion and to juvenile crime, substance abuse, mental health problems and homelessness from running away.Domestic abuse is not a “one-off” occurrence; it is frequent and persistent.

 

Domestic Abuse is also prevalent in Lesbian, Gay, Bi-sexual and Transgender people, however there are subtle differences when considering the type of abuse. There will come a time where by you have tried to adapt and come to realise your current relationship problems tend to sway towards Domestic Abuse. Your partner cannot understand, compromise, listen or take responsibility.

 

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The Abuser

shouts

sulks

smashes things

glares

calls you names

makes you feel ugly and useless

cuts you off from your friends

stops you working

never admits he is wrong

blames you, drugs, drink, stress etc.

turns the children against you

uses the children to control you

never does his share of the housework

never looks after the children

expects sex on demand

controls the money

threatens or wheedles you to get his own way

seduces your friends/sister/anyone

expects you to be responsible for his well-being

The Friend

is cheerful

consistent

supportive

tells you you look good

tells you you're competent

uses your name

trusts you

trusts your judgment

welcomes your friends and family

encourages you to be independent

supports your learning, career etc.

admits to being wrong

is a responsible parent

is an equal parent

does his share of the housework

accepts that you have a right to say "no" to sex

shares financial responsibility

takes responsibility for his own well-being and happiness

 

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