Domestic abuse or domestic violence is the term used to describe any abusive behaviour within an intimate relationship between two people.
Domestic Abuse is best described as the use of physical and/or emotional abuse or violence, including undermining of self confidence, sexual violence or the threat of violence, by a person who is or has been in a close relationship. Domestic abuse can go beyond actual physical violence. It can also involve emotional abuse, the destruction of a spouse’s or partner’s property, their isolation from friends, family or other potential sources of support, threats to others including children, control over access to money, personal items, food, transportation and the telephone, and stalking.
It can also include violence perpetrated by a son, daughter or any other person who has a close or blood relationship with the victim/survivor. It can also include violence inflicted on, or witnessed by, children. The wide adverse effects of living with domestic abuse for children must be recognised as a child protection issue. The effects can be linked to poor educational achievement, social exclusion and to juvenile crime, substance abuse, mental health problems and homelessness from running away.Domestic abuse is not a “one-off” occurrence; it is frequent and persistent.
Domestic Abuse is also prevalent in Lesbian, Gay, Bi-sexual and Transgender people, however there are subtle differences when considering the type of abuse. There will come a time where by you have tried to adapt and come to realise your current relationship problems tend to sway towards Domestic Abuse. Your partner cannot understand, compromise, listen or take responsibility.
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The Abuser
shouts
sulks
smashes things
glares
calls you names
makes you feel ugly and useless
cuts you off from your friends
stops you working
never admits he is wrong
blames you, drugs, drink, stress etc.
turns the children against you
uses the children to control you
never does his share of the housework
never looks after the children
expects sex on demand
controls the money
threatens or wheedles you to get his own way
seduces your friends/sister/anyone
expects you to be responsible for his well-being
The Friend
is cheerful
consistent
supportive
tells you you look good
tells you you're competent
uses your name
trusts you
trusts your judgment
welcomes your friends and family
encourages you to be independent
supports your learning, career etc.
admits to being wrong
is a responsible parent
is an equal parent
does his share of the housework
accepts that you have a right to say "no" to sex
shares financial responsibility
takes responsibility for his own well-being and happiness